1.) Why would you do that?
2.) Which ones are “your” children?
3.) What are you going to do with that hair?
4.) Are they all yours?
5.) Oh, that is so great! Could you not have your own children?
6.) You are so brave to do this.
7.) Really, they are all yours?!?!
8.) You are such a good person, a saint!
9.) I could never do that. I would get too attached.
10.) What about your biological kids? Shouldn’t you be worried about them first?
I put this list together for a speaking event last year, where I spoke to a group of foster parents. I thought I’d take a moment to write the statements down and share with others.
At the conference, we all agreed we had heard these things said before and then we laughed. As foster parents, we have to learn to laugh. We have to understand that the rest of the world may never get us and what we do. The statements are rarely ill-intentioned, just often misinformed.
What we have to remember as foster and adoptive parents is this; It is through our journey and the pages of our lives that the rest of the world discovers the beauty and messiness of foster care and adoption. We are the book through which the world is learning and educating themselves.
So, when we get one more question, one more stare, or one more misinformed statement directed at us, just smile (or laugh) and then remember the potential impact our story and journey could have on future generations as the world learns more about foster care and adoption through us, and in that, others might just decide they can do it too!!
Oh yes! I get tired of hearing what a saint I am. I don’t feel like I”m doing anything special. I’m just doing what I’ve been called to do.
We’ve already heard so many of these and don’t even have the foster kids yet!