Category Archives: Uncategorized

01.17.13
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This Is Our Season

“All of us wonder how we would have acted in the epic struggles of human history. Would we have stood up and been counted among the courageous and just? Now we don’t have to wonder.  It is our time. Over 30 million worldwide live in slavery.”  – David Batstone, President Not for Sale

As a child I remember hearing the stories of Indians being massacred by settlers who took their land.  I remember hearing about how slave owners abused, mistreated and kept people in slavery.  I remember walking the grounds of Dachau and hearing the stories of the holocaust.  Every single time I would think, ‘if I were alive then, I would have stood on the side of justice and change.’  And, then I would think about my family, my friends, my neighbors and I would wonder to myself, ‘what would they have done?’

But, as I read the quote above I realize I do not have to live in the ‘I would have’, but I can be part of change today in the here and now, because slavery is still strong, genocide is still rampant, and throughout the world the mistreatment of people groups is ongoing.  I’m sure there were many who lived through the previous seasons of our history who had to live with, ‘I should have.’   I do not want to be one of those regretful people.

“There are more than 30 million slaves in the world today, more than at any other point in human history.” – Not for Sale Campaign

This is our season, this is our time, this is our chance to stand on the side of justice and change…..Will you join the movement, or will you look back twenty years from now and say, I should have…..??  Educate yourself, become aware, but more importantly begin to ACT!

Groups Standing for Change:

Love 146, http://www.love146.org

Not for Sale, http://www.notforsalecampaign.org

IJM, http://www.ijm.org

Polaris Project, http://www.polarisproject.org

Exodus Cry, http://exoduscry.com/

Freedom Place, http://www.freedomplaceus.org/

http://allwewantislove.org/wordpress1/

www.humantrafficking.org

***Statistics on Modern Day Slavery:  https://secure.notforsalecampaign.org/about/slavery/

01.14.13
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Snuggle Time and Love

Early on in our six-year old’s life we began a tradition called ‘snuggle time’.  Essentially, it is the time right before going to sleep where we lay in bed and snuggle her.  It was something that quickly became a favorite of hers and she would often tell us, ‘I’ll always be your nuggle-bug’.  Yes, nuggle, instead of snuggle.  This tradition has carried over to our second child and she appears to like it as much as her older sister.   We also started night-time devotionals and prayer with our daughters at an early age.  Something they are still quick to remind us of if we ever forget, especially on the nights they are avoiding sleep!

Since coming to our home in October our four foster children have been exposed to devotional, prayer, and snuggle time.  And, while we do not ‘snuggle’ them.  We do make a point to do devotionals and pray together.  Then we give each of them big hugs, tell them how much we love them, how proud of them we are and then we tuck them in to their beds.  And, if we ever forget, much like our biological daughters they are quick to let us know.

Funny thing is, these practices are just habit for us as parents.  And yet, tonight our 9 yr. old foster son asked Staci, “why do y’all give snuggles?’ Staci explained it is our way of showing love to our girls and then proceeded to ask him, “Didn’t you’re mom and dad snuggle you when you lived at home?”  He thought about it for a long time and then said, “No, but when I get home I’m going to teach my dad to tuck me in and read the Bible.” 

His statement is humbling and reminds us that they are watching how we love and how we parent.  It reminds us that our love will extend back into their home.  That our actions as parents now, will be reflected by these children when they are reunited with their biological parents.

These are the nights and statements that make what we do worth it, while also breaking our heart for the children we have grown to love.

If and when these children get to go home;

  • We hope their parents understand how precious these little ones really are. 
  • We hope their parents learn to tuck them in and read the Bible.
  • And, we hope these children remember what it is like to have a mom and dad make them feel important every night before bed. 

In this life we never know how our love will impact others.  But, this we do know…..Our love has already begun to create change beyond the present!

01.11.13
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Chosen, A Mother of Six

“From Paul, God Himself chose me to be an apostle and He gave me the promised life that Jesus Christ makes possible.”  2 Timothy 1:1

Being a mom of six isn’t always easy.  There is always laundry to be folded, dishes to be washed, messes to be cleaned up, hugs to be given, stories to be heard, hurts to be fixed, snacks to be made, and love to be given.  But, this is the promised life that Jesus has made possible for me.  He has fought for me to be given this life of endless laundry and dishes, because I have been chosen (for now) to be the mom of an additional four children who are all beautiful inside and out.

This life of endless hugs and ‘I love you’s’.

This life of pouring myself out into others, but getting so much more back in return.

This life of continual blessings.

A life that can be hard at times, but then I’m reminded that I have been chosen, and, for me, that makes all the difference in the world!

01.05.13
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Storybook Endings

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For most teen girls, the opportunity to attend a prom is seen as a magical time when they have the opportunity to dress up, fix their hair, and be a princess for the night.  But what happens to the girls who can’t afford to purchase a nice dress and enjoy the magical evening?  One young lady asked this very question and decided to do something about it.  Rachel Smith, a senior at Canyon High, had been a part of service projects in the past and had always wanted to lead one herself, but had never had the opportunity until this past May.  That is when her parents attended an event hosted by Arrow Child and Family Ministries, and learned about the need for the Amarillo community to wrap their arms around young people in the foster care system.  Her parents came home that evening and shared everything they had learned with her.  She knew then she had to do something for these young people.

But what could she, a senior in high school, do to help these children?  That is when the idea of “Storybook Endings” came to her and she began to put in motion a plan to assist teen girls who found themselves in the foster care system during prom season.  As she began her senior year in high school, Rachel began organizing, publicizing, and advocating for other teenage girls to donate their old prom dresses so that girls in foster care would have an assortment of dresses to choose from for their prom in the spring of 2013. Rachel was blown away by the incredible responses by other girls and teachers in her school.  Over the span of a few months she was able to collect over 60 prom dresses and recently she delivered the dresses to Arrow Child and Family Ministries, a local non-profit organization that serves foster children in local foster homes, adoptive homes, and in an Emergency Children’s Shelter.

Wanting to change the world is not a new thing for Rachel, in fact, she hopes to major in Social Entrepreneurship in college and her ultimate goal is to use her skill-set and the skill-sets of those around her to better the world.  Organizing “Storybook Endings” would give her the opportunity to make an impact in the here-and-now, and serve teenagers in foster care, a group who are often forgotten by the rest of society.  Rachel stated that her idea for “Storybook Endings” came from the thought process that for every young girl, prom-time should be a time when they can wear a dress that will make them feel special.  In addition to gathering dresses, Rachel is working on collecting books for children and teenagers in foster care, creating for them a complete storybook ending.

Rachel Smith is proof that everyone can do something to serve others. Her story reminds us that we are never too young to begin changing the world around us, even if it begins with one dress or one book at a time. Everyone deserves a storybook ending, especially children who have already faced so many hardships in life.

To learn more about Arrow Child and Family Ministries and how you might be able to serve children in Foster Care, log on to Facebook at www.facebook.com/arrowamarillo or contact Keith Howard at 1-806-335-9138 or keith.howard@arrow.org

01.03.13
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The Gospel Alive

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One thing we love about being foster parents is the fact that the Gospel regularly comes alive in front of us.  Since the first day we took children into our home we have continually expressed our love to them and reinforced how important they are to our family.  The three youngest were pretty quick to reciprocate love back, although never encouraged nor expected.  The oldest child, the boy, has been the most guarded with his words of affection.  And then, sometime around Christmas he began writing us little notes.  Each note simply said, “I love you” or “I love you so much”.

These notes are his way of sharing his heart.

Reading these notes and watching all of this unfold we are reminded of our own lives and the spiritual conflict we have had with accepting God’s love for us.  And yet, regardless of our response, God has always affirmed His love and affection to us.  Gradually, over time we came to a place where we began to affirm our love back to Him.  It wasn’t overnight, but it took time, trust, and experiencing God’s pursuit.  Similar to the process it has taken this young man to understand we love him with no strings attached.

In our opinion, the beauty of foster care is the opportunity we have to love deeply, regardless of any return of affection.  To put ourselves out there day after day to love these children and affirm their importance not only to us, but to the world as a whole.  Much like God has always done for both of us.

Simply, the Gospel has come alive within our home and for that we are humbled and thankful.

***The note above is his most recent one.  I walked in from work this afternoon and he was very excited to give me the note he had painted earlier in the day.

12.18.12
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A Choice Here, A Choice There..

I had lunch with a friend awhile back and during the conversation we talked about how sin often starts out as something small, barely crossing the line.  Picture it like this, hold your hands as far apart as possible.  Look at your right hand and envision that is you, look at your left hand and envision that is the result of sin.  If we knew what the end result of our sin was and how far it would take us, most of us would never go there.  Now, place your hands over one another and slowly start to pull them apart.  That is where sin usually begins, close to what you already know, just a slight movement here and slight movement there and suddenly you look up and sin has taken you to places you never wanted to journey. Therein lies the issue, rarely does someone wake up and say,

‘today I want to go out and blatantly engage in sexual immorality..’

‘today I want to drink until I’m delirious and get high..’

‘today I want to look at porn..’

‘today I want to gossip profusely..’

‘today I want to be dishonest with others on a ridiculously continual basis..’

‘today I want to offend others with my words..’

‘today I want to lust like it is going out of style..’

‘today I want to be angry, rude, crude, and evil toward all those around me..’

‘today I want to be a glutton and eat everything in my sight..’

‘today I want to blatantly deny Christ with my mouth, heart, actions..’

‘today I want to judge and slander everyone I come into contact with..’

You get the point, none of us start there.  In fact, most of us, wake up and think, ‘today I want to honor God..” and then desire, convenience, poor choices, temptation begin to creep in, slowly pulling down our walls and taking us farther away from our hearts desire to do right, into a place where our heart chooses wrong.  During the slow creep, habits are formed, black and white turns grey, barriers come down and over time sin leads you down paths you never dreamed you would go.  The battle, the tension, the pull, and the draw of sin begin to overtake us.

We all have sin issues, struggles, failures…..so, why not look our sin in the face, admit it, share it with others, and ask God to redeem it?  Because, often times we fear the shame and disappointment worse than we do carrying our sin or carrying on with our sin.  We’ve grown to find comfort in our sin.  We have learned to enjoy it and the way it makes us feel.  It has taken ahold of us and it doesn’t want to let go.  We determine we will never be better, we will never defeat it, and we will never shake it, so, we give in over and over.

I am no different.  I have struggled with this cycle most of my life;  wake up, ‘I want to live for God today’.  Sin entices, ‘well maybe just a little’.  Sin fully consumes, ‘gosh I’m the worst person ever’.  Sin wins, ‘I’ll never get it right, I just can’t honor God, I suck!’  Shame, disappointment, and lies creep in.  Like Adam and Eve in the garden, I hide in the bushes avoiding God completely, because after all, why would He want anything to do with me??  Such lies, such brokenness, such an awful cycle.

We never start out far off, we start off nearby and slowly make choices that lead us far off.  Our struggle is nothing new, just listen to Paul,

” I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am…..” Romans 7:15-23

This passage finishes with hope, “Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!”.  The hope is this, Christ can and will redeem.  That is truth and freedom.  Temptation will always be there, sin will always entice, but Christ promises freedom.  Put Him to the test and see what he can do with your sin, brokenness, habits, and choices…..and, if you ever think, ‘I can’t get it right..’  You are right, you can’t, just like Paul couldn’t, I couldn’t and others before us couldn’t.  But, God can…….I’m still learning this everyday, some days are better than others, but I believe God is still working.

But for grace….

11.07.12
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7 Things in 7 Days

Last Wednesday our family doubled in size as we took in a sibling group of 4.  Tonight, as a couple, we sat down and discussed what we have learned in these few short days.

  1. Simple things to us, may be completely unknown to foster children in our home.  Examples from the past 7 days, sewing, ironing, smoking a rack of ribs, homemade cooking for most meals, and going to Chick-fil-A to eat.  All of which our new kiddos had never seen nor experienced….Yes, we said they had never experienced Chick-fil-A!
  2. You can get all the training in the world on how to serve ‘foster children’, but what about the training for challenging ‘biological children’ who clearly outshine any foster child in the behavioral category?!?
  3. Professionals will schedule appointments at the last moment, seriously, phone call at 4:00 PM needing to come by ‘today or tomorrow’.  Appointment occurred at 5:30 PM.
  4. We as parents are way more efficient parenting 6 then we ever were only parenting 2.  We believe this boils down to survival of the fittest, if you are not efficient, you will be overrun by legions of small children, piles of laundry, toys in abundance, and much, much more, in short you will dieeeeeeee!!
  5. Doing homework with four children turns our dining room into a small Sylvan Learning Center, seriously, maybe we should franchise one into our home?  (**sidenote** Keith thinks it is extremely hot watching his wife operate in her professional skill set as a teacher, dang that woman is smart and patient!)
  6. Sam’s Club, Wal-Mart, Braum’s and other local grocery stores now own all of our money.  If only stock options came with each purchase–we would own a majority share within months!  Seriously, 6 kids can destroy a lottttttttttt of food.
  7. As a parent of 6, it is perfectly okay to not only be ready for bed at 9:00 PM, but to go to bed at 9:00 PM.

Bonus:  We have been incredibly blessed and our hearts are full, more so, than we could have ever imagined!

– Howard Party of 8

10.31.12
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We Needed a Father…

Since God has a Son of His own, and such a Son, how wonderful God’s love in adopting us! We needed a Father, but He did not need sons. Thomas Watson

Take a moment to let the quote above sink in. The Father did not need us, but He CHOSE us. He had an amazing Son. He had no reason or need to fill a gap or void in His life. He was already fulfilled, and yet, we needed a Father. Our foster care journey has never been about filling a void or need, it has always been about children needing a home. Our spiritual adoption causes us to act, our Father moves us to respond, and our lives will have no greater cause than to be poured out for those who need it most.

God didn’t need our sin, our brokenness, our rebellion, and our failure. He did not need our disrespect, our acting out, and our behavioral issues. But, He knew we needed a Father who could handle all of that and still love us, redeem us, and create all things anew in us.

He had a Son, but you and I were fatherless, so He chose us!

There are over 400,000 children in the Foster Care system nationally. You may not need a son or a daughter, but there are children and teenagers out there who need a home, a parent, a role model, a mentor–there are children who need to know that someone has chosen them.

Our adoption should always cause us to act and move as those who have been graciously and overwhelmingly adopted.

10.28.12
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Are We Enough?

In a few short days we will welcome a sibling group of four into our home.  As we talked tonight, the fear, the anxiety, and the excitement began to sink in…..

Will we be good enough?

Will we love enough?

Will we trust enough?

Will we offer enough?

Will we BE enough for all six children in our home?

The journey that began in college over 12 years ago is coming to fruition.  We can see the path…Youth Pastor, Special Education Teacher, CPS Investigator, friends who have fostered, Adoption Coordinator, State Director, friends who have adopted, Mother’s Day Out teacher, biological children–each step taking us one step closer and preparing us furthermore for the journey that lies ahead.  No step unplanned nor unnecessary.  And yet, the question lingers, are we enough?  The answer–no.

The truth; He never called us to be enough, only to follow Him, as He is enough.

Father,

May you be enough for us and the children, both biological and foster, that you have called us to love, serve, protect, and care for.  We are inadequate, but you are always more than enough.  Thank you for the call, but even more for the journey.  Amen.

10.10.12
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Adoption Disruption…Let’s be Honest

Let’s be honest.  God is perfect, His character is perfect, His creation was intended to be perfect….but, WE created brokenness, confusion, selfishness and imperfection when WE, as humanity, made a decision in the Garden to choose that which was not good for us.  It was in that moment that the original plan, intent, and perfect creation of God was broken.  We did that, not God.  So, when the world is in chaos, disease is rampant, and nature is groaning, let us not blame or presume that it is God’s plan.  Instead, collectively we should own up to it; lay blame where blame is due…..on us.

In the ‘Christian’ Adoption & Foster Care world, one of the most overused and non-theological statements often utilized is, “We prayed about it and we feel God has released us from this child.”  Just today I spent 20-30 minutes listening to a fellow adoption co-worker share her heart, brokenness and righteous anger over a “perfect adoptive placement” that ended with “well, we prayed about it…”  Where does that fall in line with the character of God?  Don’t get me wrong, this is not a “throw stones at others” kind of thing.  I am very aware of my own sin, my own brokenness, my own selfishness, and the imperfect choices I have made.  This is more about, not bringing God into a conversation and/or giving him credit for something He is not about, such as adoption disruptions.  We cannot claim God wove the adoption together in one breath and in the next claim God has released us from such a commitment, because let’s be honest, it just didn’t work out for you, your spouse and/or your family.  Every broken placement, failed adoption, unfulfilled promise creates further trauma in the child whom ultimately is the one to carry the load of consequences for such broken choices.  So, please don’t hide behind the God card because it is convenient and gives you peace.

So, what do I tell adoptive families currently in training?  I simply tell them that if they ever get to a place humanly that they make the choice that a child can no longer stay in their home then I need them to tell me humanly why they are making that decision.  Please do not bring God into that conversation, because tossing aside the “least of these”, “fatherless”, and the “orphan” is not part of God’s DNA.  It simply does not match up with the God of Scripture or the Redeemer of the Gospel.  So, own up to it.  Humanly admit where you are at.  That is the place where true and open dialogue can begin.

God’s original plan was broken by us, and since then, He has been on a path of rescue, redemption, restoration, and adoption.  None of which align with the statement, “We prayed about it and God has released us…”  That statement aligns with the popular belief that whatever God calls us too should fit neatly into our lives without any mess, any consequence, any hardship, or any heartbreak.  Which, if you’re wondering, also doesn’t match up with the God of the Gospel.

25 Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: 26 “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple. 27 And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.

28 “Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? 29 For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, 30 saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.’ Matthew 14:25-30

Count the cost friends…because, there are children, in need of adoptive homes, counting on you.

****As a professional in the child welfare field I have seen times when an adoptive placement has broken down for some pretty damaging reasons, such as sexual abuse, physical abuse, reactive attachment disorder that was previously undiagnosed and several other reasons.  This post takes all of those things into account and is not meant to be a blanket statement over every adoption disruption, but more of a call to all who would consider the adoption path.  Be mindful of what God is calling you to, commit to that, and pray.  But, ultimately if it breaks down, evaluate that breakdown, humanly accept it, and never blame or give credit to God for the disruption.  He is perfect and He makes perfect choices; we are imperfect and we make imperfect choices.